The ex

This morning I logged onto my hotmail account to see that my ex had left a comment for a picture of me on my myspace account. We have not talked since September and the parting was not a happy mutual one, so why would he bother talking now? He's still with Mandy as far as I know and I am no longer interested in being his friend. I'm just pissed that he's on my mind now. Why would he bother?

Moving home

I am seriously contemplating a move back to The Pas once my degree is finished in June. I just don't see myself being happy at this job for long (not that I'm enjoying it that much right now) and I've found it really hard to quit and get another job in the city. I see myself telling my boss that I would continue to help and I would still be bothered to do a lot of stuff. At this point I'm not giving the position 100% of my motivation and commitment so that's not fair to the company or myself. I just need to get things organized so that someone else could slide into my position without any issues.

I've been saying that for awhile and nothing seems to be getting done but its getting ridiculous, the stress and all. Not to mention that I really don't have a lot keeping me here anymore. There's Marcia, Davide, Graeme & Olivia but I would see them all the time anyways, regardless of where I live, and my friends are Keith and Alan...not really that high maintenance and I can still visit when ever I'm down & talk on msn. Although I'm talking to Karmyhn again its still a bit removed and we have yet to hang out, so I don't feel that commitment to stay for them anymore. I know now of them would stay for me so why be ridiculous.

I just won't move for anything under $35k annual salary. Now that I make a decent wage I don't ever want to go back down. I figure I can probably find something through Tolko, Hydro or the government, not to mention some of the smaller businesses may be looking for someone.

I could live with Mom and Dad rent free or at least very reduced to I could repay my loans faster and get a ride into town with Mom in the mornings so I probably wouldn't need a vehicle right away.

The idea that I would be cutting my chances of finding Mr Right if I moved back doesn't really seem true anymore. There really isn't anymore opportunities here based on my current socialization and who knows maybe some cute guy moved to the pas since I moved here:) Also Kristin figures she's setting me up with one of Jim's groom's men who's from Ontario so we'll see!

Anyways I kinda like the idea of moving home now but as with my fickle mind I could throw this idea away like so many tomorrow:)

New Ideas

Well someone else put in an offer for the bookstore, apparently Keith said that it's Andrea's parent's friends and they really want it, so I doubt that the offer isn't a serious one. Unless things fall threw I will not be getting the bookstore. Disappointing but not the end of the world. I'm just going to go back to the drawing board work on the coffee house idea again.

I tend to want to do so many things and start thinking that it would work if I combined them into one business concept. I need to be more realistic and scale back. But I also need to make the business unique, otherwise why would people come to me when they could go somewhere they already know.

Keith mentioned in passing last night that it would be cool to have a cafe that catered to geeks (an not just the computer ones, we are talking video gamers, comic books, sci fi television, etc). I love this idea. I may not come close to having the geek knowledge that my friends do but I like these people, its who I'm comfortable with. And just because I'm not a video gamer doesn't mean I don't have my own geek obsessions. Hell we could throw my reading romance and other sub-genres in there. The only thing is how do you make the people that come spend enough money to keep you in business. Sure I can get people in the door with the appeal of comfy couches, televisions, gaming consoles, high speed internet, etc. But what stops people from buying a coffee (or nothing for that matter) and sitting around for hours?

I think it would be really cool to buy a house, preferably on a higher traffic street (Corydon, Pembina, Portage), convert the main floor into the restaurant and have the top floor(s) as a suite that I lived in with roommates (if I have enough room).

I would like the atmosphere to be casual and I would serve coffee & other beverages along with soup, sandwiches & snacks (nachos, fries, etc), and get a liquor license to sell beer.

Now I just need to create a business plan, research the viability of it and determine how much it would cost. Sounds like fun to me!

Striving for happiness

Its crazy how something so major one minute can seem so unimportant the next. Last week Karmyhn emailed me a link that she thought I would be interested in, the first contact she's made since our fight. I had already heard about the site but I emailed her back with a thanks and not wanting to seem petty I also congratulated her on taking steps to start her animal sanctuary. From there she emailed back and I responded and we've been talking via email for over a week now. Talking about everything except why we weren't talking to begin with. Who knows, perhaps she doesn't even think about that or consider it important but I tend to obsess about the little things, and yet I'm not prepared to bring it up because I fully expect another argument out of it. Something I don't have the energy for right now. Its nice talking again. Granted I now know my limits in the friendship and were I stand which is good. As much as I love the idea of unconditional friendships they just aren't that common and its silly to expect it.

We were talking about how we are growing out of our positions, becoming ambivalent to work and our theory is that we have been doing what we have to do rather then what we want to do. So one would assume once you start doing what you want you will be satisfied. Which had me thinking what if I'm not. What if what I thought I wanted isn't enough. Could I handle that? I think that it would be a huge blow, the idea that happiness would not be attainable for me. What if I'm incapable of allowing myself contentment, that I always want more? To be fair, this is all speculation. For all I know (and hope) once I own my own business I will be as happy as a clam.

The business venture is progressing positively. I need to talk to the bankers now so we'll see if I can get the money and then with the existing owners. I can not begin to explain in words how much I want this to work.