More sharing with myself

A friend that I had stopped talking to because of some comments she had said back in October messaged me today. I doubt she knew I had decided to stop talking to her as we rarely correspond unless we are making plans to meet up with each other when one of us are in the others town.

We had gone on a trip with one of my best friends to another friend's wedding in Alberta and she had crossed too many lines that weekend. She is notoriously outspoken and can come off rude at times but she means well and is very caring. That weekend she made continued insults about my relationship with my ex and how she knew it would never have worked (like I want to hear this! It wasn't a great breakup but I thought I loved him when we were together). And to put the cherry on the top she decided to start an argument with me about homosexuals and their right to have children, knowing full well that two of my best friends are a married gay couple looking to have a kid, not to mention that I'm quite pro on the subject. So I figured, fuck it. I'm not going to continue to fight with her, I understand other people have different views but once you turn rude and insulting of my views I don't want to associate with you.

I had told myself that I wasn't going to talk to her anymore but when she message me this morning I responded...I can't hold grudges long and it was just a 'hello, whatcha doing' comment. Turns out she's on her way to the city and wanted to get together tonight. Regardless of my commitment to not talk to her anymore, I agreed. She's been a friend for ever and I suppose I shouldn't hold it against her that her views are so polar to mine on many subjects. I just refuse to get into these discussions with her ever again.

When asked whats new with me, I told her, among other things, that I had slept with him a few times. Her response was that she wasn't surprised and assumed it would have happened sooner or later. This isn't the first friend from back home to say this. Really? It was that obvious? Do they think that about all my guy friends from high school or just him? She of course assumed we were dating and I had to explain that it had a been a friends with benefits situation that was on hiatus now that he's pursuing another girl (not to mention he was having difficulties with the idea of sleeping with a friend), that we were still best friends though. She asked how that could not be awkward.

Its not. I don't let it. Partly because I never once let myself belief that there could be anymore. I separated sex from my emotions for him. I won't deny that I've always had feels but I let them surround my friendship with him. My untouchable relationship. My crush, if you will. But the sex, although good, is just that...sex. I didn't become awkward or emotionally attached after we finally got together because I already was and already knew how to deal with them and separate it from my interactions from him. I'm sure when we look deeply into this we will see how unhealthy this is but it works for me. Its not stopping me from pursue other relationship or ending ours.

I didn't tell her this...I don't tell anyone this. I'm sure they would think I'm nuts or try to convince me how terrible it is and I should stop it. Or worse, feel sorry for me. I am comfortable with it, even on the days that I'm jealous or mopey because at least I feel for some one. Its my little personal melodrama.