Living for the NOW

Its interesting that I am able to forget about my responsibilities when I'm depressed or at least not care about them. I suppose that's why its called depression. Anyways now that I've reverted back to my usual self I'm overwhelmed with the things that I've been putting off.

At work this includes:

1. Completing my bookkeeping course before June
2. Finding and hiring designers, builders and other employees, as well as securing grant money
3. Finishing the moodle training courses
4. Getting the online application running for this season's use
5. Setting up incorporated companies for our partnerships and advertising
6. Completing my task list that is ridiculously long

In my personal life this includes:

1. Grocery shopping and cooking healthy meals every night (not to mention preparing breakfasts & lunches!!)
2. Cleaning out my room of all the crap that can either be tossed or donated
3. Selling my novels or doing SOMETHING with them
4. Start training for the marathon again - making a running playlist so I have no excuses!
5. Finish my university degree by June - which means actually attending the class
6. Finding a ESL course to take in the evenings
7. Filing for a passport
8. Managing my budget to actively pay off my debt
9. Start working on a business plan for a coffee shop or hostel here in Winnipeg - which means doing possible research (getting a side job doing one of these?) - also get out of the house to work on this, a coffee house?

I'm sure the lists could go on and I'm motivated enough in my current mood to do something but now I'm kinda overwhelmed, as usual, and don't know what to do first!! I suppose I should just start at the top.

I am trying to be less forward thinking though. I think that's what gets me every time. I set out these elaborate goals and expectations and when I don't come close to meeting the deadline I get discouraged. Its hard for me to think in the 'now' only though. I envy those that can, sometimes. Its what has made it hard for me to grasp the idea of dating casually. For me I always have to see that there is a possibility for more, otherwise whats the point?

Since the new year I have past up a few opportunities to try the casual dating. I keep telling myself that I can do this but when they call and leave messages I don't call back. Its not that I'm opposed to dating, if the right guy called and asked me out I would go...I need some assertiveness from them though. Perhaps I'm not ready to live that much in the now, yet. Maybe I should just work on myself, and getting me in order before I try to fit others in.

Wouldn't it be great if life came with an operating manual?