I amaze myself with how fickle I am. One minute my life is over, the next I'm determined to quit my job and open a business, then move to another country, I like him, I'm over him, I love my job, I hate it. I can't keep up with my moods sometimes, how can I expect others too!
Its funny that I criticize some of my friends all the time for being fickle and always changing their minds on things, when I do the exact same thing. Perhaps K was right when she said I'm a hypocrite.
I don't mind that I change my mind all the time, I feel that I'm still in that 'finding' stage of my life so I shouldn't always have my ideas and emotions set in stone but I hope that that is what it is...a stage. I'm sure to drive myself insane if I'm like this for the rest of my life.
I was thinking last night that perhaps the reason I think I like him so much lately is more because of the idea of what he represents then just him. Don't get me wrong, I do like him, regardless of why, always have but maybe the reason that I've been think about him lately is because I feel that I can't find what I want out there and he's conveniently there. Most guys that I meet when I'm out or even the guys that I talk to online are meh. Although nice, they just don't seem to ignite a spark in me. I'm sure this is partly my own fault as I'm shallow/picky, I know this, and the guys I meet don't measure up to my version of cool, attractiveness, intelligence or all of the above. Some days I think I'm asking too much to find a cute and funny indie or geeky boy. I see them all over the place but maybe I'm not their type! Which just thinking that gives me a huge blow to my self esteem, how could I NOT be some one's type...right!? So how do I meet them and not get stuck in the friend zone all the time?!
I suppose if I move to Asia for a year I could meet someone there but that's at least 6 months away. I know I can wait but do I want too? I feel like I need a plan of action but I don't know where to start. Soooooooo frustrating. And knowing my fickleness I could decide tomorrow that this is a waste of time and I'd rather be single, & lose all motivation.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment